Strong tension while sitting calm on the floor
I perceived a strong tension inside my body while trying to sit calm on the floor. A heaviness emerged from my mind contaminating the muscles of my body. The sounds around me seemed annoying. The smells were perceived aggressive. A tension of approaching of something that wants to fight me was felt by my mind and induced a preparation in my body. But nothing happen. There was an old play in my mind with video clips from other times. I noticed sadness when I remember instantly that other way I should have followed 30 years ago. I smiled to these, and turned back to the tension from my forearms. I look to them till everything quieted and the calm arrived at ease.
Annoying people around me
The care of the others might turn into a nightmare, if they don’t understand what you are doing. The body scan is easy to perform being alone. But when others are coming and going around you, it is harder to concentrate on the feelings that emerge from your mind while exploring your muscles and your inner universe. Sometimes, like a coil receiving magnetic flux from a near placed source, the thoughts of the other, often contaminated with worry, anxiety and fear, will be induced to you as being yours. Mindfulness may help you to distinguish between your own world and the other ones. But like an airplane flying through stormy clouds, a precise focusing of your mind will get you out from the businesses of the others.
Do not try to fix anything that seems wrong!
Indeed, the most useless thing in the world is to try to fix the reality that subsists in you or outside of your framework, i.e. body and mind. While sitting in meditation, a lot of thoughts travelled through my imagination trying to capture me on their stories about better past and best future. Of course, it is an illusion that played a lot of me during my childhood and adolescence, also, while I was early young. There is no need of change. Everything is going according to her pace of transformation. Just notice her, be aware, and forget as soon as possible. What a waste of time it way in my life to try to fix the broken things. Assuming the mountain’s posture, all the reality is turbulent flying around me in all the seasons, but remaining still and not moving, their touch, still stirring my mind, cannot capture me into the abyss of unsolvable thoughts. Good or bad is a matter of convention. Right or wrong very often are misleading. Just staying and noticing are the eternal values that counts in the end in order to be happy with yourself, just as you are here and now.
Body scan is about exploring the outer world
It is surprising to realize that a simple body scan in search for different sensations producing inside your, in fact, offers you the ability to read in-depth the messages coming from the outer world. Instead of being an escape from the exterior environment, the inside world is closely connected with the reality we are living in. For instance, by tuning your attention to what you hear, after a while, the intelligibility of the sounds you perceive will sharply increase, and out of what seemed to be noise, an articulate message will emerge. Today, just listening for what I hear, I noticed a symphony of tones, rather than a monotonous rewind of some irrational background noise. In fact, everything is speaking by using her own language. And strangely or not, we already know about the tonal languages from the times we were only little children playing freely under the beautiful sky of the world and being allowed us to express our feelings in unutterable by the adults’ loud cries and noisy sounds. Being mindful, in fact, we offer ourselves the opportunity to meet the inner child from us exploring without prejudices the marvellous outer world!
Drifting away with the noisy thoughts
I was curious to follow the noisy thoughts travelling my mind while staying firm like a mountain. It was like flying with turbulent winds that hit the rocky surface of a hill. I noticed the impermanence of these feelings that are constantly stirring the thinking process. It is nice! This is the true nature of the universe, which means the chaotic movements are primordially embedded into the fine texture of existence. There were a lot of fears, doubts and scary images. I embraced all with compassion like a child tightening in his arms the toys he is playing with. I spoke them kind words and welcomed as they entered with strong turbulence into the room of my awareness. I recognized and apologized that I either ignored, either run from them. This way a faulty way of dealing with my soul. And suddenly, their strange movement has stopped, and the sun has started to shine again from the clouds upon the soft surface of the mountain I identified with. A strong sense of freedom entered into my soul, conducting me to smile like a child to his parent, when she is coming back to home.
There is a piece of heaven in the human being
Thoughts are very active. They express basic process of knowledge that happen all the time in our mind and body. Therefore, it is not strange that exploring a particular part of your being, you will notice the emergence of strange ideas and feelings. The web of connections that subsists in human being are terrible complex. It seems that everything is related to anything. This puzzles our tendency to linearize our life. The basic fabric of our being is very chaotic and full of infinite possibilities. I compare the splendid view offered by a body scan with looking through the glasses of a telescope of high magnitude, which reveals the splendour and the beauty of the sky. Indeed, it is a kind of heaven in each of us amalgamated with earth. Mind and body has to coexist in harmony, taking care with kindness to each other, but we tend to run from ourselves. This happens when your focus is going out of your awareness of the present moment, here and now, and your mind again wanders on the path of imagination. But gently, coming back, piece-by-piece uniting your inner world, will bring joy, happiness and fulfilment.
The flow of the time that shapes my being
Staying unmoved in the middle of the flow of time and events is challenging, even if I define a specific duration. It is similar with a rock placed in the way of a river. Definitely, the water will try to roll down the obstacle and throw it away. If she doesn’t succeed, than she will surround with her flow that obstinate object and start to erode it along all the surface of contact. If she is strong enough, she will cover that rock with her cover of waters in an effort to digest it in time. Staying mindful in meditation is similar for me with this picture. Today I noticed the great flow of events that occur around me. My awareness revealed many little details that try to catch me into the story of the things that surround me. At their action, the perception translated the physical signals into a flow of images that stirred the fantastic world of thoughts and emotions. From this world the desires for action emerged at once trying to captivate the will to transpose their intents into reality. The human being is so wonderful in constantly adapting to so many hidden actions exercised upon her. So, it was very hard for me to non-act and to non-judge, rather I continue to gaze on the flow of the time that is shaping my mind and my body, in fact, all my being.